


Golden Girl's Emotional Hell

by Bladesilverred



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, The Trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21731110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bladesilverred/pseuds/Bladesilverred
Summary: Set just after The Trial. Some Yellow angst, y'all.
Relationships: Blue Diamond/Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 69





	Golden Girl's Emotional Hell

“Can’t you restrain yourself??” Blue Diamond screams, flinging a hand in front of her.

Yellow Diamond scowls back. “But this is pointless!”

“No it’s not!”

Their argument is interrupted, as Blue’s palanquin bursts through the ceiling of courtroom. Within it, half hidden by silky curtains, are the small forms of Rose Quartz and a human boy. 

Yellow reaches a hand out, zapping a diamond shaped hole in the wall. She steps up to the newly made window, just in time to catch a glimpse of the Rose’s strange form falling upside down. 

“You think you can get away, Rose? You stood your ground on that little speck called ‘Earth’,” she says calmly. “But you’re on our world now.” The scowl on her face alone could break through another wall. 

“Deploy the Robonoids,” she snaps as she steps away from the hole, still seething in her anger. 

“As if that will do anything now,” comes a quiet voice.

Yellow looks at her fellow Diamond in surprise. “What?”

Blue’s face is hard, her brows knitted furiously together. “You heard me. She could be anywhere now. How could you let them get away?”

A gloved hand obscures Yellow’s vision as she rubs the bridge of her nose. “Blue, will you please calm down. They will--”

“Calm down?” Blue suddenly shouts, cutting her off. “Calm down? Is this a joke to you, Yellow? Was this your plan all along? To get Rose Quartz out of my sights so that you can do whatever you please to her? Do my feelings not matter to you?”

Her temper begins to boil. “Your feelings have nothing to do with the situation now.”

Cobalt eyes fly open. Blue stands rigid in shock, looking as if she could shatter at any second. But when she speaks, her voice comes out cold as ice. “Of course. I should have known better than to think a being devoid of emotion could ever understand them.”

And before the golden gem can respond, she’s gone. Yellow is left standing, gaping at the doors. Her tail skirts sway gently in the wind, the only indication that she is not made of stone. 

…

Yellow Diamond stands in the courtroom, shell shocked for nearly an hour. At first, her mind races, hurling insults at her fellow Diamond, cursing her for being so stuck in the past. But then, Blue’s words worm their way into her heart. 

_A being devoid of emotion._

Electricity crackles around her form, causing the room to glow. _I am not devoid of emotion,_ she thinks furiously, _I just don’t allow my emotions to get in the way of my duties._

Her lips curl into a snarl. She flexes her hands, feeling the current flow through her. She feels powerful. She feels as if she could destroy worlds, bring down planets with her bare hands. 

But then, she deflates. She thinks to Blue. The formidable Blue Diamond. Merciful to some and cruel to others. Blue the Diplomat. Blue the Judge. Yellow’s own lover. 

Who had looked to her and found her wanting. Had found her heartless. 

_I told her that her feelings didn’t matter._

Tears well in glowing amber eyes as Yellow steps quickly to her throne. She pulls up a screen, to call Blue. To apologize.

**DENIED**

The words scroll across her screen, and Yellow feels as though a boulder has been dropped on her. Her body collapses into itself. She brings her hands to her face, trying to hide the ugly expression growing on her face. 

_She doesn’t think I care. She doesn’t think I cared about the trial. She doesn’t think I cared about bringing justice to Rose Quartz. Maybe she doesn’t think I cared about Pink._

A single teardrop makes its way down golden cheeks. Yellow grits her teeth. 

_What if she doesn’t think I care about her._

With that thought, a whimper escapes her lips, coming from deep within her. Even though the other Diamond didn’t say as much, Yellow’s mind races, trying to fill in the gaps between her words. 

_Devoid of emotion...love is an emotion._

The realization hit her hard. She gasps, a noise that echoes around the empty courtroom. And with that, Yellow’s Diamond’s walls came crashing down. 

She sat there sobbing for three cycles. Yellow felt like her worst fears had come true. She was sure that Blue Diamond, the gem she loved more than anything in the entire universe, was finished with her. 

_I can’t lose you too._

The thought had stuck in her head, looping over and over again. Each repetition brought more dread, more distress. A knot grows behind her gem, choking her. 

_This is all my fault. Everything is my fault._

The golden gem shuddered as pain coursed through her body. She begins to feel faint, electricity buzzing around her. 

Images of Blue crying, unconsolable on the floor, of scattered pink shards, of White’s empty throne chair come flooding through her mind.

_Everything is **always** my fault._

As the last sentence drifted through her head, the general poofs, leaving only a giant golden diamond-shaped gem in her place.

…

When Blue leaves the courtroom, her emotions spill after her, her aura trailing her like the tears she leaves behind. Gems are left crumpled on the ground in her wake. 

After a quick command to her Pearl that all calls from Yellow are to be blocked, her feet take her to her extraction chamber. A relief. As the doors hiss shut, she quickly submerges herself into the cool waters. Blue begins to relax.

 _Yellow can be so infuriating. I just don’t understand. One moment she says we can have a fair trial and the next moment she poofs the Zircons._

Blue sighs. She picks up her comb, not wanting to brood in silence. It begins to sing as she runs it down the length of her thick hair. She hums along, the action bringing more peace to her mind.

 _I shouldn’t have snapped at her._

Her combing slows. The water and the music have done their job in helping her clear her mind. As her initial emotions fade, guilt replaces it. 

_Oh Yellow, I know how hard she tries. She didn’t mean what she said; her temper can get the best of her…_

Shaking her head gently, Blue decides to check in with her lover. She gracefully jumps out of her pool, water droplets phasing away with each step towards the door. 

Blue steps quietly out of her chambers, her bare feet gently padding down the polished floors. Her gowns rustle as she walks deep into the palace to find her lover. The azure gem visits rooms Yellow frequented. Her throne room. Her extraction chamber. The observation deck. The ballroom. 

Nothing.

 _Where is she?_ Blue thinks with frustration. She is standing on a bridge, the skyscrapers of Homeworld dwarfing her large form. 

The golden gem was certainly somewhere on Homeworld, a glance to her golden arm ship docked in the distance confirmed it. But Blue did not know where. 

She sighs. _Maybe I will send her a message, requesting to speak with her. I would really much rather apologize to her face, but it can’t be helped._

Taking a direct path to her control room, she quickly goes to her communicator device. She sits down heavily before opening it, briefly wondering if a message or a call would be best. Blue eyes the list of reports that demand her attention and decides to send a message.

It read: 

_Darling Yellow,_

_Please accept my apologies for my harsh words earlier. I would like to speak with you, when you are next free._

_With love,_

_Blue_

As the message whisked away, Blue felt her heart lighten. Soon, she and Yellow would be planning out a punishment for the captured Rose Quartz. And finally, Blue could begin to move on from her millennia of grief. 

Tendrils of satisfaction began to curl around her gem. Everything would soon fall into place. Blue sinks down into her throne, letting her mind become placid as she begins to work. 

…

After ten cycles, Blue finds herself staring at a blank screen. All of the reports have been completed and her next appointment is far off. Her eyes droop with exhaustion, but she has one last task to complete. She opens her communicator device, tapping on the yellow Diamond symbol. No messages. 

Blue frowns, suddenly unnerved. _Yellow should have responded by now. She always answers my messages quickly, even if it’s something short._

A thin finger taps the call button. Blue listens to the smattering of pitches as she waits for her fellow Diamond to pick up. 

Nothing.

Suddenly, her apprehension turns into something stronger. _I need to find Yellow. Something is wrong._

The azure gem swiftly stands and hurries through the double doors of her control room. Once again, she searches the palace grounds. This time, however, she leaves no room unchecked. It takes her a full cycle until she stands before the last unsearched room. The courtroom.

_Why would Yellow be in here? Unless she hasn’t left it since the trial. But why wouldn’t she have left this room?_

Blue’s thoughts swirled around her head, confusion growing stronger with every second. Then, she’s taken back to the day of Rose Quartz’s trial.

_Is Yellow still upset with me for what I said? Is she in here sulking?_

A hand hovers over the glowing keypad next to the door. Just as she’s about to hit it, a thought stops her.

_What if the escaped Rose Quartz found Yellow and shattered her?_

Blue gasps, tears suddenly streaming down her cheeks. Her outstretched hand begins to shake, but she forces it down to open the door. 

As the doors hiss open, cobalt eyes squint against tears and low light. She takes one step inside the room.

And screams. 

Atop the golden throne, right next to her own cerulean one, is a giant yellow gemstone. 

_“YELLOW!”_ Blue thinks, or maybe yells, as she falls to the floor. But her mind keeps her moving towards the gem, even as her body disobeys. She crawls to the chair, reaching her trembling hands out to cradle the gem before her. 

It’s whole. Flawless, just like its owner. 

That offers scanty consolation to the crying Diamond. 

“Who did this to you?” she sobs, trying to rouse anger in herself. 

But barely a moment passes before the gem in her hands begins to glow and float upwards. She scrambles back, not taking her eyes off the glowing Diamond. Two wide eyes watch as Yellow’s form appears out of the bright light. Tears of fear turn into those of joy as the general’s trim body stands in the middle of the room. 

“Yellow,” comes a whisper from quivering lips. 

The Diamond stiffens. “Blue.” 

Blue takes a huge step forward, about to leap into her lover, to embrace her, to apologize. 

Yellow whirls around, her faintly glowing eyes stopping Blue cold. “I’m sorry. I’ll be leaving now.” Her voice is unusually low, husky with emotion. 

“Wait.” The command comes out desperate, matching the pleading in Blue’s eyes. 

Amber eyes travel to the floor between them. Yellow doesn’t reply, but she angles her body slightly towards Blue. 

“I’m sorry about what I said,” the azure gem says solemnly, “It was wrong of me. I let my anger get the best of me. You were right, sometimes my emotions get the best of me.”

“It’s my fault.”

Cobalt eyes looks up in surprise. “What’s your fault? I don’t blame you for Rose Quartz escaping. I have just as much blame as you.”

“It’s my fault,” Yellow repeats, meeting her gaze. 

A strangled gasp comes out of Blue’s throat as she flinches at the intense pain she finds in those honey-colored eyes. 

“The trial. Rose Quartz. Pink,” Yellow lists hollowly, walking towards the other gem. “This,” she finishes, lifting a warm finger to wipe away the wetness that had formed on indigo cheeks. 

Blue watches in horror as tears leak out of her lover’s eyes, her face crumpling in pain. “What are you talking about?” 

“Everything is my fault. I lost my temper. I didn’t protect Pink. I didn’t--” her words were lost to sobs. They wracked her body, her shoulders and chest heaving as her mental torment continued. She managed to choke out the last words through gloved hands that were brought up to squeeze her face. “I didn’t love you enough.” 

Bue opens her mouth, her mind trying to form words of comfort, but instead a stream of repeated words come out. “No, no,no, nonono.” She can’t help the tears that leak from her eyes, pain lighting behind her gem. 

She watches Yellow tremble, looking like she could shatter into pieces. Suddenly, she remembers thousands of times she herself had stood or sat, shaking with tears, only to be comforted by a warm, golden touch. 

Urgently, she closes the gap between them, bringing the tortured gem into a crushing hug. She ignores Yellow’s gasp of shock.

_Think, Blue, think! What would Yellow do? She would...sing, or make a joke, or--oh, how is she so good at this?_

Pushing down her own panic, Blue reached down, deep within herself. Her gem began to glow, a blue light bathing the room. The form in her arms stiffens, sobs pausing. 

She grits her teeth, focusing. She flings out her love for the golden gem. “This...is...how...you make...me...feel,” she forces out between grunts. 

At first, there is no reaction. Yellow simply stands rigid in her arms, rivers flowing down her cheeks. Her sobs echo around the empty room. 

Each second was agony for the pair. Blue worried that Yellow wasn’t going to listen, wasn’t going to accept the emotions Blue was pouring into her aura. 

Until finally, the golden gem softened. Her body bent, her knees buckling underneath her as she crumbled into herself, until Blue’s tight embrace was all that was keeping her standing. And the gentle Diamond only squeezed harder. 

Minutes pass as Yellow collects herself. Her sobs slowly calm, turning first to whimpers, then breaths. Several more pass until she’s able to speak. “Blue,” she says, nearly inaudible, “you’re going to poof me.”

The ropes disappear from around her waist as Blue loosens her grip. “I’m sorry, my love,” she whispers. But she doesn’t let go. 

Yellow turns in her arms, so that their foreheads are touching. She leans into the embrace, adding her own arms around the other. 

They are silent. For a few eternities, they stand, enveloped in each other. Yellow’s gem has begun to glow, and Blue takes a step back. She wants to be two now, in Yellow’s company, instead of one. 

Looking into the watery eyes of her partner, she speaks. Her voice is gentle and her arms hold her loosely. “Should we talk about what happened?”

Yellow stares back into cobalt eyes. She nods her head, a lock of hair flopping onto her face. “I think…” she drawls, “I think I proved that I have emotions.”

“Yes, you did. And I deeply regret saying you didn’t.” A tender hand leaves her side to brush away the hair. “I let my own feelings get out of control. With Rose Quartz in front of us, I couldn’t feel anything but grief. When she escaped, it felt like we were losing Pink all over again. I took it out on you. I spoke without thinking.”

The golden general looks into her deep eyes. “Thank you,” she responds sincerely. She pauses before continuing, “What you showed me, what I felt from your powers was...amazing. I just wish that I could show you how much I love you. How much you mean to me.”

Blue lowers her hand to the golden gemstone sitting on Yellow’s chest. She draws a finger along the straight edges. “You do show me. Every time you hug me, or kiss me. You’re always taking care of me. I have never once doubted your love for me.”

Yellow pulls her into a firm embrace, stretching her neck to plant a deep kiss on full lips. When they pull away, both feel breathless, tingly with passion.

“Shall we locate this Rose Quartz then? I don’t want to waste another moment in getting her back.” 

A giggle escapes Blue’s lips. “You’re so dedicated, Yellow.” 

She gets a look in return. “I would do anything for you.”

“As long as we are together,” Blue says, a blush growing on her cheeks.

“Of course,” replies Yellow, her fingers entwining their hands together. “Always with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
